tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
MIDGETS
????
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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