I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
