dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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