Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Randomize
