you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
