my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
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My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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