I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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