I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
