ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
