We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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