I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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