In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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