OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
she peed on how many people?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Sorry about my life...
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
