People in love make me want to vomit
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
