you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
