HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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