so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
