I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
