we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
