my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
