Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
