She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
