I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
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