She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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