shes about as inviting as chlamydia
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
