I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
