My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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