Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
