I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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