my sisters under your porch take her home
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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