I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
