Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
