Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize