Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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