you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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