The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
