when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
