glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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