Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
