It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
