shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
