Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
