Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
