the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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