I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
