my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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