She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I wish you could order shots online.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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