The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
