You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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