Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
