census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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