The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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