I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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