brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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