This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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