first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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