If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
