Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
