Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
