I love black thongs
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
