Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
