remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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