Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
