your room smells of hookers.
And success
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
