I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
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I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
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Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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