So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Boobs are out for the taking
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
false alarm, still single
Randomize
