okay pat passed out under dana's car
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize