i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
