he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
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