glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
send nudes
from the living room?
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