Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
