Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
