Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
