whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..