i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
