you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
