So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
