i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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