There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
