Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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