I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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