Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
